


Candles

by beverlycrusher



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 10:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6653599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beverlycrusher/pseuds/beverlycrusher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deanna comforts Beverly after the loss of her grandmother. (A rewrite of Sub Rosa.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Candles

**Author's Note:**

> "Blow out all the candles, you're too old to be so shy."  
> "It's just a young heart confusing my mind."

Deanna can feel the sadness inside Beverly as she delivers the eulogy. She hides it well, keeping it deep down while she's addressing the small crowd. She wonders how long she'll let it remain that way.

She worries about her, sometimes. Beverly is always so guarded in times of tragedy. Deanna understands her need to feel strong and in control, she respects it, but they both know very well how unhealthy it is. 

"Deanna?" 

She turns and looks at Beverly, her expression is soft and Deanna knows how tired she is. 

"I'm going back to the house, there's some things I need to do," she pauses, looking down for a moment, "Come with me?"

Deanna nods, and smiles at her, reaching for her hand. Beverly isn't sure why she asked. They've been staying at her grandmother's house for the past few nights and it's not as if she would go off somewhere else. She just couldn't think of anything else to say. 

They fall into step with each other easily, despite their difference in height. Beverly almost wants to giggle at the way Deanna swings their hands back and forth as they walk. She doesn't know if she realizes she's doing it. Beverly tightens her grip on Deanna's hand as she uses her other to open the front door. Once they're inside, Beverly heads to the fireplace. She pokes at it absentmindedly. 

"How well do you remember your mother?" Deanna ventures. The question seems to startle Beverly, briefly. 

"Very well. I loved her very much," she answers, keeping her eyes on the fire. She looks up at Deanna, then, and locks onto her. It's as though all her walls have come down, and Deanna feels the cascade of sadness tumble through the room. Deanna moves to sit in the chair by the fire and reaches her arms out toward Beverly. She climbs into Deanna's lap, facing away from her and resting her head in the crook of her neck. Deanna wraps her arms tightly around Beverly and places a small kiss to her temple. 

"I can remember her face smiling down at me, and I can remember the sound of her voice, and her scent..." She stops for a moment, sniffling. "Mostly I remember Nana." 

She turns her attention to a candle, flickering on the end table. She can just reach it from where she's sitting, so she takes it into her hands. She runs her fingers over the metal, tracing the familiar pattern. Parting her lips, she blows the candle out and returns it to the table. It's an unspoken goodbye, and it's bittersweet in her mouth. 

"She always kept it lit." 

She feels her tears start to fall and before she can catch herself, she's sobbing. She turns more toward Deanna, burying her face completely in her uniform. Her sobs are muffled, and Deanna stays quiet, stroking her hair, running her hand up and down her back, kissing her head. 

When her sobs fade and she begins to quiet, Deanna pulls back, taking Beverly's face gently in her hands. She brushes the remaining tears away with her thumbs. 

"Come to bed?" She asks. Her voice is calm and comforting, and Beverly gives a single nod. 

They make their way up the stairs and once in the bedroom, Deanna quickly changes out of her dress uniform and into her nightgown. Beverly is much slower, carefully setting her uniform on a chair in the corner and thoughtlessly rummaging through her suitcase. She finally settles on a plain black t shirt and crawls into bed beside Deanna. She pulls her close again, resting her head in the crook of her neck where it had been before. 

"I love you," Beverly mumbles, pressing herself against Deanna even more. She wants to be as close to her as she can. She needs her. 

"I love you, too. Always." 

It's the assurance she knows Beverly craves, and she's more than happy to give it. 

"Tell me about Betazed. Somewhere I've never been." 

Deanna hums in thought. Beverly is looking for distraction, something else Deanna is happy to provide. The Valley of Song comes to mind, but Deanna decides it isn't a very appropriate distraction, being a popular location for the scattering of ashes. 

She settles on Lake Cataria, and launches into detailed descriptions of crystal clear water and breathtaking landscapes. Beverly closes her eyes and imagines them there, sitting side by side, the water lapping at their feet. She lets the vision paired with the sound of Deanna's voice lull her to sleep, and reminds herself to remember that for their next shore leave. 

When she wakes, the space beside her is empty. She climbs out of bed and follows the scent of herbal tea and fresh pancakes into the kitchen. Deanna is sitting at the table with a mug in her hands, running her thumbs along the rim while it cools. 

"Good morning," she says, pulling out a chair for herself. Deanna smiles, one of her big, full smiles that Beverly loves. 

"How are you?" 

"Better," there's a pause, and Beverly sighs. "It just feels so empty, being in this house without her." 

Deanna understands. She's associated this house with her grandmother her entire life, and with her grandmother gone, the house seems like a shell. 

"I think I'm ready to go back to the ship." There's nothing keeping her here, now, and she longs for the bustle of sickbay and the warmth of their quarters. 

"I'll let them know we're beaming up," Deanna confirms. She places her hand palm up on the table, and Beverly takes it gratefully. She wants to tell her how much she appreciates her being here, but she already knows. 

When they're ready to beam up that evening, Deanna spots the candle on the table. 

"Do you want to take it with you?" She asks, keeping her gaze on the object. 

"No. It belongs here," Beverly answers. Deanna doesn't push her, and instead, taps her comm badge and tells the Enterprise they're ready for transport. 

They re-materialize on the transporter pad and share a knowing look.

 _I'm okay._ Beverly tells her, not telepathically, but with a simple glance.

 _I know._  

It's all the answer she needs. 

 

 


End file.
